7 week lesson

It's been nearly 7 weeks since my resignation, I've regained my zest for life and learned some really painful lessons along the way. I've more than made up for what 7 years of work has
robbed my life.

I've born witness to the lifelong commitment of love by 2 couples, one bidding their time till their thirties and the other brought about by unplanned life. I was also fortunate to be part of countless celebrations marking milestones of young life.

But the pendulum swings both ways I guess, my aunt died just before Christmas, the second close relative to have died in a span of 4 mos. We were unprepared, the family was still recovering from Rico's death. The circumstances of her death did not made it easy to accept, she died of a heart attack after arguing with her daughter (my cousin) who has been such a big disappointment all her life.

It got me to thinking on how I've lived my life.

Uncertainty has started creeping in lately, doubts regarding my ability to find a job, my creativity to elevate myself from party snap shooter to a wedding photographer. It seems that a year had passed and I have little to no progress. Maybe, but I vowed to break from the cycle of high expectations, big disappoints, self-loathing, self-pity, euphoria, and eventual high expectations.

I have to disassociate my ego, I admit I have a feeling of superiority. I've been bluffing my way, weaving through life with just sheer bravado--living it by the seat of my pants. I can't go on this way, I've painfully learned that nothing will ever replace contemplating, planning, good old hard work and humility. Don't get me wrong there will still be room for boldness and the occasional reckless abandon but I can't forgo the basics.

I am thankful to Lanie for teaching me that lesson. I have yet to thank her for a lot of things most especially for being there. When I'm troubled she need not talk, all she had to do was look at me with that reassuring smile and gleam in her eye--I know things would be ok. I am thankful for her unselfishness, for not turning her back on me after what I've done to her. After all she's gone through, she has lived her life decisively and unselfishly.

I don't plan on being nostalgic there are a lot of things to look forward to. There will be no grandiose resolutions, just small daily steps.