Goin' Back to the Game Plan

Got derailed for the past week. Lethargy set in -- I wasn't able to counter, resulting in procrastination and delayed tasks.

The last two weeks was a blast, the universe was giving me the nudge in the right direction. There were client leads, new opportunities to hone my craft. After viewing "The Secret" self-help video, there was a wave of positivity--I was invincible and was headed where I wanted to go.

Then the eventual road bump, the client didn't like the prenup, losing the slot as the lead photographer in their wedding. If it wasn't bad enough the I felt discouraged after Lanie called me cheap, I know she didn't mean it but it felt like she was doubting my ability to work or earn an income. Hahahaha, call me sensitive.

I wasn't enthusiastic with last weekends shoot, the enthusiasm was lacking. I wasn't happy with my output. Hard to get the mojo back after the bump, but I'll get it back. I just hope it didn't do too much damage with my work output or the lost leads...

Hectic Sunday

It's 1:15 AM and I have to wake up at around 4:30 AM, I need to commute to QC and update my ID's (SSS, LTO, NSO blah blah). Imagine the hoops you have to go through to prove your identity, anyways I digress.

Shot two events today, a christening and a birthday party. Gello's christening was held in San Agustin, the only WW2 surviving church in Intramuros,

Funny thing was the dad looked liked Jackie Chan and the officiating priest was a Chinese import, who spoke English so badly nobody understood what he said. The priest got angry and berated the poor relatives of the christening celebrants for not responding appropriately to his questions. Poor priest did he ever realize that nobody couldn't understand his chopstick english?

I can't help connect the dots, a Chinese dad looking like Jackie Chan and the Chinese priest. Did I say Chinese already? I thought they'd break out in drunken priest kungfu... Hehehe... BTW was able to practice off cam flish (aka strobist) for a short time, until I got annoyed by other flash triggering mine.

The reception was held in another institution Aristocrat. Pretty straight forward coverage, no program just family and friends eating after the ceremony. Lighting was horible as usual, tungsten the type that makes your skin look jaundiced. Had the idea of using custom white balance by measuring of a white plate, it worked. But the white balance in cam was pretty aggressive, whites were white it did not have that slight warmth that I prefer from my pictures. Gelled my flash too, to make sure the lighting was pretty consistent.

The 2nd shoot was so so, a birthday celebration held in a condo in Santolan. The setting would have been wonderful an open clubhose by the pool surrounded by condo's. Too bad the decorator put yellow and green drapes under the tungsten lighting, an already bad situation made worse. Most of the exposures were under exposed with funky color casts, sorta the kind of hallucination you get under LSD.

Had the time to visit Anya and meet Mark for coffee. Not a bad day at all...

7 week lesson

It's been nearly 7 weeks since my resignation, I've regained my zest for life and learned some really painful lessons along the way. I've more than made up for what 7 years of work has
robbed my life.

I've born witness to the lifelong commitment of love by 2 couples, one bidding their time till their thirties and the other brought about by unplanned life. I was also fortunate to be part of countless celebrations marking milestones of young life.

But the pendulum swings both ways I guess, my aunt died just before Christmas, the second close relative to have died in a span of 4 mos. We were unprepared, the family was still recovering from Rico's death. The circumstances of her death did not made it easy to accept, she died of a heart attack after arguing with her daughter (my cousin) who has been such a big disappointment all her life.

It got me to thinking on how I've lived my life.

Uncertainty has started creeping in lately, doubts regarding my ability to find a job, my creativity to elevate myself from party snap shooter to a wedding photographer. It seems that a year had passed and I have little to no progress. Maybe, but I vowed to break from the cycle of high expectations, big disappoints, self-loathing, self-pity, euphoria, and eventual high expectations.

I have to disassociate my ego, I admit I have a feeling of superiority. I've been bluffing my way, weaving through life with just sheer bravado--living it by the seat of my pants. I can't go on this way, I've painfully learned that nothing will ever replace contemplating, planning, good old hard work and humility. Don't get me wrong there will still be room for boldness and the occasional reckless abandon but I can't forgo the basics.

I am thankful to Lanie for teaching me that lesson. I have yet to thank her for a lot of things most especially for being there. When I'm troubled she need not talk, all she had to do was look at me with that reassuring smile and gleam in her eye--I know things would be ok. I am thankful for her unselfishness, for not turning her back on me after what I've done to her. After all she's gone through, she has lived her life decisively and unselfishly.

I don't plan on being nostalgic there are a lot of things to look forward to. There will be no grandiose resolutions, just small daily steps.

2 Weddings, Baptisms and a Christening...

I was looking forward to catching up with my life upon resigning from work -- spending time with my daughter, relatives, girlfriend and meeting up with old friends that I haven't seen in a while. I never did imagine that life did catch up in more ways than I can imagine.

I have been fortunate enough to be part of life turning events on a personal and professional basis. I've nearly forgotten the reason why I took up photography in the first place, to capture and be part of events that are important to people. hisAfter what happened to my life this year, I need something to remind me that not all stories end in tragedies. I didn't want to be jaded, so here I am capturing family moments, my own little doze of prozac to keep the angst away. Mark said that if he was the single guy photographer, I'd be the family guy photographer.

I wish I could do this full time, I'll test the waters this January. If it doesn't work I'd still be doing this for free or part time. Cheers!

It was a hell of a ride! Thanks for making it worthwhile...

I remember my first call nearly 7 years ago, a southerner was asking for help with his computer. In the middle of the call I cried out, "Redneck" to the Sherwin who was sitting on my left. I wasn't on hold nor mute and when I got back on the phone, the person I was talking to sounded shaken and ended the call abruptly. I went home that morning thinking, "oh shit I'm going to lose my job". Who was to know that I would last 6 yrs, 11 mos and meet people who would change my life in more ways than I can imagine.

I've been an agent, L2, TQ trainer, dispatching SME's, Technical Officer and finally a Team Lead but I can say I have grown more personally. I've become less conscious and more outgoing, socializing with people from different circles. There's something about interacting with the eclectic mix of people in the office. I will not miss the scrubbing, the meetings, the schedule and timekeeping uploads but I will miss all the interesting, funny, intelligent, crazy and even boring people I've worked with. It made the stay worthwhile

I wish I was leaving under different circumstances--I would have preferred leaving on my own choosing with my dignity intact rather than being unceremoniously booted out of the company. I have no regrets on the series of circumstances leading to this point, I would still have spoken my mind, still have fought their whims and voiced my objections on how they have run the program.

It was a hell of a ride. Thanks for making it worthwhile. Goodbye folks! I'll see you around...